A method for quickly reaching a decision
Sometimes we go back and forth on making a decision, without reaching a definite conclusion, because we are unsure about how to resolve our conflicting wants and needs into a cohesive course of action. Weโre afraid of making the wrong choice, so instead of settling on a decision we get stuck in limbo, failing to choose at all. At times like this, it can be useful to proactively shift our point of view.
If youโve been debating several options for a while and canโt reach a decision, you can do this experiment. Find a quiet place where you wonโt be disturbed. Get settled and take a few moments to breathe and relax your mind.
When youโre ready, think about the decision you need to make, and bring to mind two or more possible solutions. Each option should be very clear and actionable, e.g. โI will talk to X about Yโ. Then, ask yourself: โIf I had to decide right now and forever, if I could not change my mind in the future, what would I do?โ Continue to sit quietly until the first answer comes to your mind. The answer that comes may or may not ultimately be the right answer for you, but it will surely give you an interesting perspective on what your intuitive mind wants to do. You can take this gut decision at face value, or incorporate the information into your deliberations. Either way, hopefully you will gain some valuable information about your desires and thought processes.
This process works for both big life-changing decisions and smaller ones. For example, when you ask, โdo I want to have children?โ you may give yourself answers like,ย โI donโt know because my job is so demanding,โ or โI donโt know because parenting looks hard.โ These external factors may have nothing to do with whether you truly wantย to have a child. If, instead, you ask yourself: ย โIf I had to decide right now, for forever, with no changing my mind, do I want to have a child?โ you may find that a clear yesย orย no enters your mind.
You donโt need to act on the response right away, andโif itโs positiveโstart planning for a child that very minute. Still, the thought process that you go through to reach this conclusion can sometimes reveal deep intuitionsย that were previously inaccessible, and may surprise you, such as, โI definitely donโt want to go through life without having children.โ Whatever the outcome of your inquiry, you must still do the hard work of reaching and standing behind a decision, but this process may be easier after you have explored the question from this angle.
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