Trust is built in very small moments, which I call ‘sliding door’ moments. In any interaction, there is a possibility of connecting with your partner or turning away from your partner.

—John Gottman

Relationships are one of the most important aspects of life. In fact, numerous studies have suggested that the quality of our relationships is the most crucial factor in determining our happiness. The cornerstone of all relationships is effective communication, but unfortunately, not all of us grow up with successful models for forming satisfying relationships. While some of us may see the adults around us modeling.. Read More

Trust is built in very small moments, which I call ‘sliding door’ moments. In any interaction, there is a possibility of connecting with your partner or turning away from your partner.

—John Gottman

Relationships are one of the most important aspects of life. In fact, numerous studies have suggested that the quality of our relationships is the most crucial factor in determining our happiness. The cornerstone of all relationships is effective communication, but unfortunately, not all of us grow up with successful models for forming satisfying relationships. While some of us may see the adults around us modeling healthy behaviors from an early age, thus receiving a roadmap for effective communication, others may learn from role models that the way to deal with our emotions is to shout, sulk, or drink alcohol, strategies that we repeat as we grow older. Without learning and absorbing good relational practices when we’re young, we have to learn better ways through trial and error, which can often be a long and painful road.

In these circumstances, we may struggle to know what we want in relationships, then struggle even more to maintain them. We may have difficulty working through conflict, understanding ourselves and others, and managing our emotions.

If you’re experiencing some difficulties in your relationships—and most of us are—the following tools may be of assistance. Each one is designed to help you interact better with both other people and with yourself. They cover a range of situations, from romantic partnerships to conversations with family members to interactions with virtual strangers (e.g., at a new job or a dinner party where you don’t know anyone). Whatever the scenario, these tools provide ways to connect, interact, and avoid and resolve conflicts. They will help you understand the reasons why you habitually express yourself the way you do, assist you in gaining clarity about the motivations and needs of others, and offer new ways of breaking down barriers between you and those you care about.

Several of the tools in this section deal with the nuances of relating intimately with another person. They provide insight into figuring out what kinds of relationships you want in your life, along with methods for improving the relationships you’re already in—for example, how to address consent and share your emotions vulnerably and honestly.

Sometimes the best form of communication is silence—whether in the form of listening with intention or in the form of giving yourself and another person some emotional space to process events or arguments. The tools here acknowledge this with some aimed at helping you utilize these softer modes of communication. Equally, there are tools to facilitate better verbal or written expression.