Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.

—Sigmund Freud

Just about all of us have some emotional hang-ups or mental issues that block us from being as happy as we want or from living in peace. Often, there is something we don’t like about ourselves, and our inability to see and accept it only makes it worse. Perhaps we have problems maintaining friendships or close relationships, feel sad most of the time, blow up in anger without meaning to, or have issues with.. Read More

Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.

—Sigmund Freud

Just about all of us have some emotional hang-ups or mental issues that block us from being as happy as we want or from living in peace. Often, there is something we don’t like about ourselves, and our inability to see and accept it only makes it worse. Perhaps we have problems maintaining friendships or close relationships, feel sad most of the time, blow up in anger without meaning to, or have issues with the shape of our body—the list of things we humans use to self-criticize is endless. Other reasons for unhappiness include habitual behaviors that don’t serve us but that we’re not sure how to stop such as smoking or scrolling social media. The sources of unhappiness and agitation are too numerous to list here, but one strategy for fixing them can be summed up in a single word: therapy.

Therapists work in a multitude of different ways and adhere to a broad range of philosophies, but in each case, the goal is the same: to help you figure out what you need in order to feel more satisfaction, more joy, and more peace. Based on the assumption that self-knowledge is the first step to change, therapy is not about telling you how to think or what to do. It is aimed at helping you see the hidden ways your thoughts and actions may be causing you problems.

Many of the tools in this chapter are about getting the best results from those sessions. Whether in one-on-one conversations or group settings, there are numerous ways you can optimize your results. There are also tools focused on self-improvement outside of therapeutic sessions, such as Tool 3.3: Gratitude, and this chapter’s Pillar Tool, 3.10: Twelve Rules for Life.

It is, however, highly recommended that you explore the benefits of going to therapy, which are detailed in the first tool in this chapter.